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2006-11-04 | 思晴老友记课堂
[Scene 1: N.Y.U, Professor Gellar is giving a lecture.]
（第一幕：盖勒教授正在给学生们上课）
我们所说的盖勒，也就是《老友记》六个好朋友中的个子最高、学习最好的那个小伙儿—Ross。Ross 原先在博物馆工作，但前阵子自己炒了自己的鱿鱼。换了工作后，竟然摇身一变成为了纽约大学的古生物学讲师。
在这次课上，他将绘声绘色地为学生们讲解“速龙”（Velociraptor）在大自然中遇到掠食者的反应…… 千万不要走开哦！
Ross: …it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized[1] that the Velociraptor[2] would expand it’s collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten it’s predator[3]. (A student raises his hand.) Yes Mr. Lewis?
Lewis: What kinda noise?
Ross: Just a high pitched intimidating noise.
Lewis: But like how?
Ross: Well we-we don’t know for sure. But in my head it-it sounded something like this. (He makes a high pitched noise and Alan doesn’t know what to make of it.) Of course, this is just conjecture. Okay, that’s uh, that’s all for today.
真是赶上有好学的学生啊，老师讲解“速龙”在自然界遇到天敌时，通常会发出一种高频的噪音。我猜这一招儿就好像怕狗的人，见到狗狗走近，会虚张声势地俯身做出捡石头的姿势一般。老师刚说到“噪音”的问题，就有好事者问道：请问这是什么样的一种声音呢？未免太没想象力了吧！追问得Ross无处可逃，直好可怜巴巴地从嗓子眼儿里挤出令众人毛骨悚然的怪声，告诉大家，在他看来，噪音就是这样子的。“当然，这都是我们后人的假设而已……”Ross很不好意思地补充了一句……
Ross一向是个认真负责的人，讲完课后，他老人家都不忘留学生谈话。看来，这一幕不论是在中国校园、还是美国校园，都是大家熟悉得不能再熟悉的场景了……
Ross留下的男孩，长相十分古怪，在我看来，应该算不上是帅哥的。他的名字叫Morse。谈及到Morse糟糕的期中考试成绩时，对方解释道，自己成绩不佳是因为沉迷爱情所致，请求Ross可以网开一面。Ross看来十分无奈，您离及格线差得也太远了，老师我实在是无能为力啊，再说了，您没考及格，实在是和我也不大相干的。没料到，Morse这时忽然望向Ross，深情款款地说：怎么和你不相关，我爱上的人是你啊！老天啊！好一个晴天霹雳的消息！Ross一时间头脑一片空白，心说了：刚刚还说跟我没什么关系，你这小子就把我拉上了贼船，这回我是和这事儿脱不了干系了！
要说现如今的学生真是爱整蛊整到家了，当我们还在沉迷于N年前港台版周星星版《校园威龙》系列故事的时候，人家美国的年轻人已经搬出了更加致命的“化学武器”，来对付老师了……
Ross: …Uh Mr. Morse, can I see you for a moment?
Morse: Yes sir.
Ross: Mr. Morse I need to talk to you about your mid-term exam, I’m afraid I-I had to fail you.
Morse: (shocked) Why?!
Ross: Well you need 60% to pass…
Morse: What’d I get?
Ross: Seven.
Morse: That’s not so good.
Ross: No-no it’s not. What-what happened there Ned?
Morse: Well maybe you can cut me some slack[4]. I’m sort of in love.
Ross: Well I’m sorry but, that-that’s really not my problem.
Morse: I’m in love with you.
Ross: Well that brings me in the loop a little[5].
Morse: You see, that’s why I did so bad on this test. I’m having a hard time concentrating. When you’re up there … and you’re teaching and your face gets all serious…you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck[6] sweater…
Ross: Okay! … Umm, I uh, I’m your teacher. I’m sorry, you’re-you’re a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
[Scene 2: Back to home, Ross is helping his friend Joey with his tie.]
(第二幕 下班后，Ross在家中帮助好友Joey系领带)
下班后，Ross向朋友们讲起学校发生的一幕。说着说着，就由这个事件发散到自己人格魅力的话题上去了。Ross不无得意地炫耀道，自己作老师虽然时间不长，但身边总是不乏粉丝、崇拜者和追求者。有女生喜欢也就罢了，Ross这叫一个得意啊，现如今连男生都倾慕上自己了，这难道不说明问题吗！…… (同学们，看到这里，想吐就尽管吐吧。摊上Ross这么大言不惭的人，我们也没啥办法。千万别忍着，要不对身体可不好，哈哈！)
Ross: Can I ask you something? Have you ever had a guy have a crush on you[7]?
Joey: Is that why you wanted to tie my tie?
Ross: There’s this kid in my class who said he’s in love with me.
Joey: Whoa!
Rachel: (entering from her room) Whoa what?
Joey: Ross has a boyfriend.
Ross: I do-I do not have a boyfriend. There’s a guy in one of my classes who-who has a crush on me.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Yeah! I don’t know. I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it?! Am I giving out some kind of…sexy professor vibe? (Rachel and Joey both look at him.)
Rachel: Not right now.
Ross: It-it—The point is my natural charisma[8] has made him fail his midterm.
听到有学生暗恋Ross的消息，Rachel不禁联想到自己那青涩的学生时代。曾几何时她也爱慕过一个男老师，所以无不感慨道：I feel bad for the kid.（真为这孩子感到难过啊！）……
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Y’know you—I couldn’t concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me[9]. I mean come on, you remember what’s it’s like to be 19 and in love.
Ross: Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.
Rachel: Yeah.
[Scene 3: At classroom, Someone named Alan is coming in to see Ross.]
(第三幕 一位叫阿伦的学生有事找Ross)
这天Ross刚刚讲完课，班里的一个小帅哥就跑到讲台前跟他“套起磁”来。现如今的学生们真是花招越来越多了，每次要求老师给自己宽限成绩，非得语不惊人死不休的。果然不出我们所料，小帅哥一开口就吓了Ross一脑门的冷汗……
Lewis: Professor Geller?
Ross: Yes, Mr. Lewis, how can I help you?
Lewis: I know I didn’t do well on my midterms and stuff but, I was kinda hoping you could change my grade.
Ross: And why exactly would I do that?
Lewis: Because I’m in love with you.
Ross: What?!
Lewis: Yeah, I’m all…in love with you and stuff. So could you change my grade[10]?
Ross: No!
Lewis: Well why not you changed Ned’s grade!
Ross: Well that’s different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me!
Lewis: No he’s not! He’s totally yanking your chain[11]! He’s done this with three other teachers!
Ross: What?
Lewis: He’s got a girlfriend!
Ross: I can’t believe someone would do that for a grade.
Lewis: I know! It’s awful. I love you. (Ross glares at him.)
Ross: Ok, you love me? If you love me, come here and give me a kiss…
Lewis: (he’s sort of reluctant to do so)
Ross: You’ve got 80, you didn’t even fail. Have some self respect…
现如今的年轻人，对于恋情的限制是十分宽限的，年龄、性别均不成问题！最关键的是，他们本着“将恶搞进行到底”的游戏精神，每次都不忘拖老师们下水，这一招儿果然是道高一筹啊…… 不过Ross也不是个好欺负的家伙，试探了一下便轻易揭穿了阿伦的“阴谋诡计”。这次连续被小鬼捉弄，他已然是出离愤怒了，“我说你跟着添什么乱啊。您老考了80分，又不是没及格。做人请自重点儿好吗？！……”
[Scene 4: At classroom, after class, the students are filing out.]
（第四幕 下课后，学生们纷纷起身离开教室）
Ross满怀怨气地等到了下课，特意把那个慌称暗恋自己的叫Morse的学生留了下来。臭小子，你给我等着的，Ross心里不住地念叨，对于这样的可憎行为，就是千刀万剐都不过分……
Ross: Uh Mr. Morse, can I speak to you for a moment[12]?
Morse: (walking up) That was a great lecture today. Did you get a little hair cut[13]?
Ross: Uh-hmm, yeah-yeah do you like it? Do-do you looove it? I just want you to know that I’m changing your grade back[14].
Morse: What?! Why?
Ross: ‘Cause I know what you’re trying to pull here. Okay? It’s not gonna work.
Ross这时的表情真叫一个严肃：我算是看穿你的鬼把戏了，臭小子。我告诉你吧，这招现在没戏了，你也别做美梦了。我这就把你的成绩改回来。你就一边哭去吧……
Morse: I’m not trying to pull anything. Look I love you dude.
Ross: You know what? I-I’m not even gonna talk about this. Okay? This little thing is over. I know you have a girlfriend! Okay?!…Yeah! And I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel Ned?! You used me! You don’t love me and you never did![15]
语言是个奇妙的载体！同样的句子在不同的环境中，就可能会产生不同的含义。Ross本来是想借此机会来拆穿对方的骗局的。不过如果不联系上下文去理解的话，这一席话听起来倒是很有点被人抛弃的哀怨味道。更不凑巧的是，Ross话音刚落，就见身后站着两个表情肃穆的老教授，天啊！看表情也知道，他们刚好听到了最容易让人产生联想的那段只言片语。这下就是想让他们不曲解Ross的话都难呢！看来，Ross是跳进黄河也洗不清了……
Ross: (He turns around to make a grand exit but runs into two colleagues.) Ah Professor Winston, Professor Fredrickson, I’ll be right with you[16]. (To Ned) Don’t make this worse and I’ll give you a C[17]. (To the professors) Shall we? (They leave.)
[1] hypothesize：（动词）假设、假定、猜测。Conjecture:（名词）推想、臆说、猜想。
[2] Velociraptor is a fast-moving, 2-legged dinosaur. This meat-eater has about 80 sharp curved teeth in a long flat mouth. Velociraptor的官方名字为“快盗龙（Speed Thief），但自从《侏罗纪公园（Jurassic Park）》播出后，“速龙”的说法迅速风靡且日渐人心。
[3] 讲解具体学术话题的时候，Ross谈到，“速龙”在遇到自然界天敌的时候会发出一种高频噪音（Emit a high pitched noise）作为自我保护。
[4] cut sb. some slack在校园生活中出现的频率极其频繁，是学生们在考试后找老师“套磁”时的必备表达之一，表示：放某人一马，对某人手下留情、宽限几分。
[5] Bring sb. in the loop: 把某人拉上贼船、把某人卷入其中。Morse说考试没考好的原因是自己坠入爱河了，希望Ross可以放他一马。Ross表示对此实在是无能为力，因为这实在不是老师的问题。没想到，Morse竟然声称自己爱上了Ross，听得Ross真是一身冷汗：Well, that brings me in the loop. (这回我可是上了贼船卷入其中了。)
[6] 好是暧昧的一段话啊。Morse表示，上课的时候自己很难精力集中（I’m having a hard time concentrating …）听着他的一席话，似乎Ross的一举一动都散发着十足的魅力。Morse深情地说：You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater…（尤其是你穿着那件紧身套头毛衣（turtleneck）的时候……天啊，不能再听下去了，Ross当即喝住对方表明自己立场：我是你的老师，另外，我爱姑娘不爱小伙儿，不好同性恋这口……虽然有顽皮的学生曾经在教室的椅背上写过诸如“Ross是同性恋”的谣言！
[7] have a crush on sb. 在《老友记》中应该算得上是出现频率颇高的一个表达方式了。诸如坠入爱河、爱上某人这样的表达，在Friends的故事中，也曾出现过几个类似的用法：have a crush on sb./ have a major crush on sb./ fall in love with sb./ have a thing for sb./ hit it off/ fall for sb…
[8] GRE考试中出现的词汇：“charisma”这个单词可以拆分为三个部分来记忆：cha—china；ris—rise；ma—mao。把这三部分连接起来是：中国出现毛主席。这样一联想，我们就不难猜出charisma这个单词的意思了：超凡魅力、感召力。在剧中，Ross说到近来自己总是备受学生青睐的事情，大有点找不着北的感觉：“你看，前阵子是Elizabeth，现在连男生都对我表达爱慕之意，难道我真的有种由内及外的性感教师气质吗（Am I giving out some kind of … sexy professor vibe）？”说到这里，他洋洋得意地总结道：The point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm(问题是，我的与生俱来的超凡魅力使他的期中考试没能及格)。听得Joey和Rachel两人在一边不住地吐舌头，心想这样肉麻的话Ross竟然也能说的出口！Ross本可以抛块砖，由其他人引玉嘛，真没见过这样大言不惭的人！
[9] Rachel劝 Ross：“那时候上课真的很难集中精神（I couldn’t concentrate），每次那个老师注视我的时候，我都会脸红（I blushed every time he looked at me）。”想到这里，Rachel劝Ross，谁没有经历过那段朦胧的校园恋情呢，不如对这个学生网开一面吧！（come on, you remember what’s it’s like to be 19 and in love）Ross一听觉得是个理儿！于是决定：I guess I can cut him some slack(好吧，那我就争取放他一马吧！)
[10] 校园必备表达：change one’s grade:改某人的成绩。这个叫阿伦的学生还真是勇敢，见到Ross便直奔主题要求为自己改分，原因是：I’m all… in love with you and stuff… （我爱上你了……）厉害、厉害，佩服、佩服，坠入爱河已然成为如今学生们向老师求情改分时惯用的伎俩了。
[11] Yank one’s chain= jerk one’s chain，表示玩弄某人、视某人为玩物。原来，有的学生们为了改成绩竟然不择手段，比如这个叫Neid的家伙，就曾先后对三个老师“下过毒手”，谎称自己因为爱上老师而影响了功课…… 果真厉害！
[12] 课间学生找老师问问题，或是老师要单独找某个同学谈话，都能用得上这样的表达：got a second? 或是Can I speak to you for a moment? 或是Can I see you for a minute? （能打断一小下吗？）
[13] 谎称暗恋Ross的男生Morse倒还真关注细节，刻下时竟然还不失时机地向Ross献媚：Did you get a little hair cut? （你是把头啊剪短了一点儿吧？）
[14] Ross拆穿了学生的骗局，表示要把对方的成绩改回来。（I’m changing your grade back）。
[15] 让我们来看看Ross是怎么对质Morse的吧：I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel? You used me! You don’t love me and you never did! (我知道你欺骗其他三个教授的事情！你觉得我会怎么想？你利用了我，你不爱我，从来就没爱过我！) 这样的句子，如果只是听到片段的话，很难不叫人遐想。这分明是爱情故事里被人抛弃的那方，在大吐苦水嘛，哈哈。
[16] I’ll be right with you.（我马上就来，这就来）。这可是在日常口语对话中可以每日每时必出现的哦！
[17] 看到身后两个教授阴沉的表情，Ross顿时感到不寒而栗起来。无奈之下，他只好央求那个叫Morse的学生了：Don’t make this worse, and I’ll give you a C. (别让这事儿继续恶化下去了，我让你及格就是了) 。学生的成绩可按优良中差划分为ABCD四个等级，C刚好表示及格。
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